Capitol Jill

So there was this guy…

Um, so. Blogging. That thing that I used to do.

Well, wow. Where to start…Numbers seem comfortable, familiar, likely inappropriate, but let’s go with it.

1) So, now that I’m paid to edit/write a blog daily, let just say it’s hard to come home and blog about life anymore. I mean, it’s not like I have nothing to say or something. But, the creative juice (ew?) is spent earlier in the day. I dunno. I haven’t wanted to tell stories lately. Partially because when I didn’t have to come home and do school work, I did stuff. Stuff! Who doesn’t love STUFF!!!

2) School. Well, I made a decision today that school + work = so much stress that it makes me ill/sad. I’m not joking. I’ve been back in school a a little over two weeks, decided I would challenge myself (because I’m a lunatic) to take two *extremely* hard courses on top of my average 9/10 hour work day. Well, that on top of boy-drama (eeeeeee, boys!!), my body decided it was going to check the eff out. Been running a low-grade fever for days. Probably didn’t help that I worked all three of those days, but whatever. I’m taking NyQuil after I finish this post. Anyway, I’m happy to report that I’m just taking ONE of these tough classes. Dropped one today. Live is just too damn short to be sick and unhappy.

3) Oh the boys. The good news is here is that I met a boy that I liked! I mean, really truly hit it off with. Met him back in November, but didn’t go on a proper date until after finals were over in December. I can honestly say that it’s definitely up there with one of the BEST first dates/dates I’ve ever been on. Like ever. I dunno, there are very few men that can talk about Shakespeare *and* nerd out about politics in this town (that are straight). Instant chemistry. You know the kind. You’re just comfortable, conversation is super easy, and hell, you’re attracted.

I was smitten.

Until I wasn’t.

Yes yes. There’s a whole lot of story here, but it comes down to seeing some scary red flags that I couldn’t see past that well…I’ve seen before. Moving too fast emotionally, blatant insecurities, immaturity, control issues, all which were amplified in an unflattering manner when this guy was drunk. Oh man. I’m not gonna lie. There’s still a CRAP ton I adore about this guy. I know after rattling off that list you’re thinking…like what, dearest Jill? Are you mad? NO no! But truly there were some REALLY stellar things about this guy. Checked in on me after a rough day, sent cute messages, offered to cook me dinner, just generally a very smart, attractive, and clearly VERY INTERESTED dude.

Buuuuuuut, he was scaring the hell outta me. I know that no one is perfect, but I refuse to date anyone who’s controlling and insecure. Been there. Learned that lesson too many times (mostly with one guy…).

F*CK YEAH BOUNDARIES!! I HAVE THEM FINALLY.

Oddly enough, even tho’ I was proud of myself for breaking things off, and still think it was the right thing to do, I still kinda miss the guy. It’s so rare to easily connect with someone in this town, or just maybe romantically in general. Or maybe it’s just that I hadn’t legitimately liked someone since my brains were scrambled by an ex for over a year? I also considered that I was an attention whore or something, because who doesn’t like that? Who doesn’t like the nice, gentlemanly sweet stuff mixed with a whole lotta chemistry and common interest? This was the kind of attention I’ve very rarely gotten. Genuine, a little overbearing at times, but honestly, sweet. No games. It’s hard to kick that to the curb unless is comes with some serious baggage (which certainly presented itself rather quickly, thank goodness).

I can’t bank on this dude growing up, but maybe he will. I mean, jeez, for his sake I hope he does. That said, if he’s not the right guy (which he is clearly not at this very moment) there’s gotta be someone who’s that sweet, charming, handsome, smart, and interesting AND doesn’t act like a DB when they’re drunk. Just sayin’. They’re out there. Right? Right.

Alright, more to come…